Category: parent communication

Parents-Friends or Foes during the PYP Exhibition? (#PYPX)

Parents-Friends or Foes during the PYP Exhibition? (#PYPX)

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I don’t know about you, but school just hasn’t been the same since COVID. There have been numerous accounts of parents overreacting to curriculum and over involvement in school. I don’t quite understand the roots of polemic attitudes towards school, but so many educators face skeptical families who feel like every classroom lesson contains a political statement, every book has a hidden agenda and curriculum is now a festooned act of indoctrination. This strange extremist view is unfamiliar to many of our IB schools,  who prize open-mindedness and free thinking, in which in pre-covid times had a lovely community spirit that had a common goal for a better more peaceful world. It’s an unfortunate situation if you find yourself in one of these school communities in which educators are now being vilified.

But I think to recede from working with our families (even the whingers and fault-finders) is a mistake. I think we can’t say that we are living our IB mission without engaging fully with community. This moment, albeit tense, will eventually come back into equilibrium, in which the family-educator bond of trust will be healed.  We have to keep the faith and do the work to ensure that a more sane and harmonious time is on the horizon. We owe it to our children’s future to act compassionately, to be a model of our IB Learner Profile.

So it was for this reason why our school invited parents into the process of PYPX. In the past our school had used them as mentors, and they were excellent resources for our students, so making them more involved wasn’t a big stretch for us. In addition to our PYPX Parent Coffee, we host a Family Inquiry day, in which families come in and explore the UN’s Sustainable Goals, brainstorming topics. It is a powerful moment to observe, as parents see their child’s passion shine through and the child experienced how beneficial it can be to consider parent ideas and opportunities for action with them. We feel that including family in the process of helping their children to develop their exhibition topic is a win-win for everyone.  I’m really proud of the work that our teachers did to facilitate these conversations, and amazed by how supportive and collaborative our families are. Here are a few scenes from the event:

Needless to say, when you witness such a powerful moment, you want to share it with others. So, if you haven’t considered inviting parents into the process with an event like our Family Inquiry Day, I would like you to consider 3 reasons why you might want to rethink that approach.

Improves student well-being

With the demands of this project, PYPX is by far one of the most stressful events that a child can go through. Of course we know that this inquiry project helps them grow in so many ways as we support their ability to develop emotional resilience and intellectual stamina. But when we add parents into the mix, students feel more supported and confident, realizing that they aren’t alone on this journey–they get to share it with their loved ones. Even if they go through a rough patch during this process, it is a comfort for them to know that not only do they have their teachers and mentors who understand what they are going through, but the families also have a clearer picture and can be of greater help.

Encourages meaningful action

Naturally when students can stay more focused and can self-regulate their stress levels, they can put more of their attention toward generating meaningful action. And parents can get involved with helping them to make connections with organizations and foster relevant service for their local community. So launching the PYPX with parents in tow, is an excellent opportunity to motivate our students to do great work in our communities. I know that last year some of the best student action came from the groups in which parents were well aware of what the student was exploring; in fact some families banded together and worked with the PYPX group to join in the community service as well. The whole family might have volunteered at the animal shelter or worked

Builds relationships with families.

If you are a parent of a teenager, you may recognize the importance of this milestone moment for the student.  For many parents, this is their last moment to really be engaged in their child’s learning. Their “baby” is becoming all grown up. We know that once students go to the MYP, there is an expectation that students don’t need any hand-holding. For parents, this can be a painful moment to accept, in which peers become more important and family relationships come in second place. As much as a parent may be eager for them to be independent and mature, it’s hard to stomach that they are becoming their own person, with different opinions and perspectives.  Needless to say, giving families this moment to feel connected and involved helps to foster positive relationships that will last into those tumultuous teen years. This is a special moment in the parent-child relationship. Having parents active in the process can really help the student cross the threshold into adolescence.

Learning is a Team Sport

Our school mantra is “it takes a village” and it’s true. When educators and parents work together, it’s the students who win. When students are the center, it’s easy to work together. We want the learning and action developed in the PYPX to be sustainable and long-lastin. I think having parents involved is our insurance policy for our students going on to doing amazing things to improve the quality of life for all.

If you have thought that it was “breaking the rules” to include parents into the process, I would caution you to consider the impact it will have on the students and the wider learning community. Yes, you might have some overbearing parents who might try to micro-manage their child’s exhibition project, but perhaps you should weigh the pros and cons ahead of time. In the past I might have been adverse to this idea, but if we want to change the dynamic of enemy shift to ally, we need our families to go on this learning journey with us and understand the power of an IB education.

Please share in the comments below the ways in which your school involves parents in productive and meaningful ways during the PYPX. Growing our ability for partnership with families is vital for student success.

The Role of the Teacher during #RemoteLearning

The Role of the Teacher during #RemoteLearning

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Indefinite.

That’s the word that currently describes the state of our school’s remote learning. What began as a 2-week quarantine has transformed into a vague timeline. It’s no wonder why people have now redubbed this experience as “emergency learning” since the typical planning and preparation that might have gone into this situation was stymied by the gravity of this crisis. We jumped first before we actually knew how to swim.

But as teachers, we are resilient. We can go with the punches. Flexibility. Humor. Patience. Those rarely show up on our job descriptions but are foundational skills for anyone who makes it past their third year in the classroom.

However, we aren’t the teachers any more.

Not really. It’s the parents.

But in my mind, parents are always the first and last teacher of any child. I borrow their children for a few hours. However, parents never recognized their role as teachers, until now. They may have been educating them in their values and beliefs in a passive way, whereas, we as professionals, are intentional and precise with the skills we want them to have.

When I heard these thoughts shared, I felt it summarized the juxtaposition of this moment:

What gives us energy? Not when the work is small and menial and easy. But when the work is big and important and collaborative. It adds up to something. Everything we believe in is now being put to the test.

-Lucy Calkins, Teaching and Leading in the Midst of COVID-19

So true.

I, like so many educators, am looking for wisdom. A beacon light that will guide me through this experience. But not because I don’t know how to teach. Or that the teachers I lead don’t know how to teach. No, they may struggle with the online environment but they are eager to be effective. The motivation is there. But I lean in and listen because I am seeking the insight in how we might pilot families through these stressful times.

In my mind, this is the role of the teacher during this COVID-19 crisis. It’s helping parents claim their legitimate position as their child’s teacher, despite their lack of pedagogical know-how.

We may design lessons and engage with students online but, to the families, who we are and what we do is so much more valuable than that. Our relationship has shifted. They see who were are and what we do differently……

We are trainers. We instruct them in how to set up their child’s schedule and their learning environment.

We are mentors. We build a genuine connection and share stories of their child’s learning.

We are coaches. We collect data from them. They are the eyes and ears of our student’s learning. We urge them into supporting their child’s next steps.

We encourage. We remind them that what they are doing is hard but it will get better. They can do this. Keep the faith in the capacity to figure things out.

We support. We explain what is working and why it’s helpful to do what matters, as many times as it takes. We never give up. We are there for them.

We remember. We remind them that their child was born to be curious and has a strong desire to learn, even if they don’t always show it. They are growing intellectually, mentally and spiritually during this time. It is their human nature to do so.

We acknowledge. We share our gratitude. We smile. We laugh. We give grace.

We are human. 

This is the role of the teacher. Indefinitely.

 

Together, We are Better: Communication That Creates Community with Our Families

Together, We are Better: Communication That Creates Community with Our Families

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How do you see your parents? What words would you use to describe the families in your learning community?

Are they a nuisance? Are they demanding? Or are they helpful? Supportive?

Take a moment and think about the words you have used recently to talk about a family in your learning community. Were you complaining or complimenting? And, if you had to evaluate the language you use to talk about parents, in general, would you say you use mostly positive language or negative language?  

In the Ubuntu tradition of South Africa, they have this expression: “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu / motho ke motho ka batho” which translates to “A person is a person through other people.” Or also said,  “I am because you are”.

The expression …means that we are recreated anew in every encounter with another person, bringing to each other the unique gifts of our humanity. Those gifts include our differences, which are worth celebrating and preserving. You enrich my life with your unique difference….Ubuntu does not ask that we erase differences and become the same. It asks that we interpret others positively, recognizing that whatever our differences, our humanity is equal. It is an invitation to dialogue, to understanding, even without agreement, and with understanding comes compassion, tolerance, nobility, sharing.

From “Ubuntu: A Philosophy of Dialogue” by Zara Houshmand

When you consider these words, it makes you wonder how are you interpreting others around you? Needless to say, it’s important to reflect on our “normal” discourse about our families at our schools because we need to consider if we have compassionate perspectives or critical viewpoints of them. Moreover, we need to recognize that those points of view create a bias in how we interact with them.

In the book, Letters to a Young Teacher, Jonathan Kozol provides advice and insight into how we make judgments of parents:

It is even more important to reach out with special care to parents who may seem to have the least involvement,  or least commitment to, the education of their children….it’s all too easy to for  young teachers, even quite unconsciously, to write off the parents who are not cooperative at first, instead of trying to discover why it is that some of them will not respond to messages that we send home or seem reluctant to show up to meetings that we schedule.

The parents that are most reliable, and the most cooperative…quickly win the loyalty of teachers because they are genuinely helpful. They also tend to share more of the social styles and the value systems of the teachers, so that teachers feel a natural rapport with them and find it easy to converse with them. In the case of the less cooperative parents, on the other hand, I’ve known teachers who throw up their hands and, out of sheer impatience or a feeling of futility, give up on any serious attempts to engage their interest and end up really knowing them.

I feel that he accurately describes the tendency we have to relate better to parents who seem similar to us, and, on the other hand, judge harshly the parents who seem disconnected. However, if we can recognize this bias and reflect upon it, I think it will help us to stay open to the ways in which we can “discover why it is that some of them will not respond to messages that we send home or seem reluctant to show up to meetings that we schedule.” I wholeheartedly agree with his advice to pursue a relationship with those families who seem detached from their child’s life. Whether or not it’s written in our job description, all educators must make parents a priority if they are going to create transformative learning experiences for their students. We must engage with our families.

Finding a Sweet Spot

Although I hate to simplify complex relationships, you can think of parents on a continuum, in which there is a range of engagement practices from completely disinterested and uninvolved to over interested and obtrusive.

Parents and Trust2

As I consider why it is that some parents, whether they are busy or not, make the effort to engage with schools, I think it boils down to trust. Sometimes, we have those helicopter parents who hover around the school, who are often seen as meddling. Often times, they appear intrusive and seem to lack confidence in our ability to meet their child’s needs. They are one level of the extremes and on the other side are those parents who seem to care less about their child and school. We often wonder why they drop off their kids and seem apathetic about their child’s cognitive and social development? In some painful instances, their children seem like more of an inconvenience than a blessing.

Oh and in the middle? These are the “helpful” parents, the ones that are easy to love, in which trust is freely given by the parents to the teacher and reciprocated by the teacher regarding the parents’ efforts to develop their child as a learner.

But what about other those “difficult” parents? The ones on the extremes. Well, I think we all recognize that we can’t match disinterested parents with our own disregard, nor can we get stressed out over the parents who are trying to prepare their child for the SATs in 1st grade. However, we need to “turn to wonder” and become deeply curious about the causes of this apprehension, and not only have an open mind but also have an open-heart to the struggle and conditions that create an unwillingness to partner with teachers. Likewise, the same ingredients that develop trust and get parents to “move toward the middle” work for both sides of this continuum.  And this comes down to communication. Although others have identified that there are 9 traits of trustworthy people, in particular, there are 3 main messages that must be communicated to demonstrate to families that you are deserving of their confidence and time:

  1. Competence: Trust me, I know what I’m doing.
  2. Integrity: Trust me, I keep my word and am acting in your best interest. I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
  3. Kindness: Trust me, I like your child and want to help.

Of course, if teachers can connect and develop a rapport with parents, it is easy to communicate these messages. The question is how do we establish these opportunities? And who’s job is it to initiate the contact? Well, in short, it’s EVERYONE’S!

The Institutional Handshake

School-wide communication

These are the newsletters, Twitter feeds, and other channels of communication that go out to the whole school community. In general, these are passive forms of communication, in which there is a one-way flow of information with very little expectation for parents to respond. In my mind, these forms of communication are the bare minimum that a school needs to do to keep families in “the know”. However, the school leadership and administration must plan school events to create occasions to celebrate learning and inform families of the progress that is underway in the learning community.

The School Calendar of Events

Creating school events that make face-to-face communication possible is really important to create a vibrant and engaged community. Sports Day, an International Fair, and concerts/performances are such events that mix fun with learning. They are low commital events though for families, but are necessary for culture building and are important opportunities for families to have exposure to staff to engage in informal conversation. Conversations are the heart of any relationship, which is why academic conferences are also sprinkled around the school year so that more directed discussions can take place around student learning. I know some schools have Celebrations of Learning after every PYP unit. That’s a tremendous amount of energy put forth into a class presentation, but Student-Led conferences are also a great way to share learning which may be less work to pull off on a frequent basis.

Listening Campaigns

In Stephen Convey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit #5 is to seek first listen to understandto understand, then to be understood, in which the ability to listen with empathy is a key skill. When we genuinely listen to a person, it not only opens our eyes to their concerns but also validates them as a human being. This has the opportunity to build a lot of trust between the organization and the families they serve in the community. The possibility to generate an atmosphere of caring and positive problem-solving is high when schools engage in this level of communication.

Depending on the nature and size of an issue, schools can host “listening campaigns” in which they invite families and employees and students to give feedback about their experience of the system. There is an open invitation issued to participate in gathering and analyzing information.

So what is a listening campaign? In a nutshell, this is a research process, in which leaders strive to:

  • Examine a problem or issue in which school leadership would benefit from multiple perspectives, so as to identify and define a specific issue that needs to be addressed.
  • Explore possible solutions and find the necessary resources to implement the desired solution
  • Identify the decision-maker with the authority to resolve the issue
  • Gather “intelligence” on the dynamics that contribute to the problem.

 

More Up Close and Personal: The Classroom level

As a teacher, what words do you think parents might use to describe you? How do you make them feel?

I find it important to reflect on these questions because those answers depend on your level of communication. In general, parents are more satisfied with their child’s teacher when information about the learning is being conveyed. So what, when and where is this information being announced and shared?

Digital Communication

This is probably the most common form of communication–the emails, the SeeSaw posts, Google Classroom announcements, etc..

But how often do you communicate learning? Once a month? Once a week? Once a day?

One Harvard study shows that the frequency of communication really matters:

We find that frequent teacher-family communication immediately increased student engagement as measured by homework completion rates, on-task behavior, and class participation. On average, teacher-family communication increased the odds that students completed their homework by 40%, decreased instances in which teachers had to redirect students’ attention to the task at hand by 25%, and increased class participation rates by 15%.

When you consider this, how often you communicate really plays a significant role in your ability to create partnerships with parents. Moreover, the predictability and persistence of your communication matters.

What does that mean?

It means that you are sending out messages on a consistent basis such as a summary of the learning in a Friday email. Also, when you are sharing information or a request for support, do it with expectant gratitude. Here’s an example of a big ask (dedicating time to help your child research), followed by an affirming message of their support.

Dear Families, 

We are embarking on our first research mission for our unit and need your help! During this project, students will be responsible to research the different points of view when it comes to screen time usage for their age group. I have provided some websites for them already, but I’d like them to find 2 more so that they explore at least 5 different perspectives. In this way, they are not only learning HOW to research but also getting into the habit of discerning the information on the sites. Naturally, this complex task needs guidance and so I am so grateful for your support of your child, helping them to be independent and confident researchers. Your encouragement and assistance will make all the difference to their success, so please contact me if you need help in supporting your child with their use of the research guide I provided. I know that when we are partners in their learning, your child achieves more.

As always, I am grateful for your support and care. If you have any questions or concerns, I am happy to help.

All the best,

Ms. Judy

What do you think- Would you, as a parent engage? Why or why not? Do you feel that you could contact me with questions? As an educator, never underestimate the power and precision of your message. What you communicate and how you communicate creates the culture of your classroom–even to parents! They are a part of your learning community! And YOU train your parents to be kind and helpful when you deliver messages in the same way–it’s those mirror neurons kicking in, so develop your “teacher voice” in your digital emails to be one that is courteous and encouraging.

The Face-to-Face

At the end of the day, I used to love running out with the kids to have an opportunity to chat with parents. I know you may be tired and have a long list of things to do, but a few minutes of chit-chat is worth its weight in gold.  It’s a good time to be friendly, share an anecdote about a child’s day and ask questions.

“Oh my, Mia seemed so tired today. Is she sleeping well at night?”

“Paulo really made me laugh today. He told me that he knows all about the past since his mom comes from the past. Apparently, you are an expert!”

“Ollie mentioned that his grandma is in the hospital. Is everything okay?”

It’s these little conversations, more so than the formal parent meetings, which makes for the lasting glue in a relationship and the information you mine from these conversations–PRICELESS. And when you do have to conduct a formal parent meeting, families aren’t as nervous and defensive because whatever you are going to share with them comes from a place of genuine care for their child. They know that since you’ve been nothing but considerate and approachable from Day 1 of school.

There are a lot of really great teachers who squander the opportunity to meet and greet families on a regular basis. This frequently happens in the upper grades since you may not have to escort students out at the end of the day and so stay in your classrooms. But when you avoid parent contact, families don’t actually think you’re so hot. They find you aloof and often discredit your teaching approaches. You end up being a source of complaint in the WhatsApp or WeChat group, which sometimes ends up with an email to the principal. All it takes is a smile and a bit of banter to change the tides. The time spent is absolutely worth it.

“I am because you are”

In the PYP, we are social constructivist. We grow through each other. Keep parents in that equation. They matter. A LOT. They are a part of our learning community. Lean into the challenges of your parent groups and enlist them through positive and productive conversations. It is our collective positive effort that lifts everyone–all members. So, I hope I have inspired you to reflect and consider your communication style and its impact on student learning and relationship building. Please share any unique way that you or your school cultivates parent involvement. We all do better when we do it together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Evolving Relationships with Parents: Open Forums to Open Minds

Evolving Relationships with Parents: Open Forums to Open Minds

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I’m a parent. So I am biased.

In my experience, parents are children’s 1st and longest lasting teacher. And not all the lessons they teach kids are “great ones”. We know that. But we also know that they are doing their best with the knowledge and strategies they have. More importantly, by and large, parents are invested in their child’s future and care about their role in helping their child grow up to be successful. That term “successful” looks and feels different based on the cultural and socioeconomic background, but it is a part of our job, as educators, to find common ground and understanding so that we may become united in our purpose with making our school year the best one on record. I’ve written before about how our school approaches every school year with a “prequel” to great learning by connecting with families: Hopes and Concerns-The Power of Conversations with Parents and Caregivers. However, that can’t be the only time, outside of conferences, that we invite their ideas and develop partnerships.

At our school, like many PYP schools, we have parent meetings to explain how our curriculum is taught and assessed. Often our transdisciplinary approach has to be translated to families since most of them come from traditional schooling backgrounds. Recently we had a parent coffee morning in which we went over our approach and philosophy around literacy learning. It turned out to be an hour-long discussion and debate about why we approach reading through a Love of Reading vs. Leveled Reading lens. Whether they were from Brazil or Bulgaria, Australia or Malaysia, parents were asking “yeah, but what makes this better?” I personally love it when parents challenge us. I know that when they ask questions, they are open to understanding. They want to know. They care. They are co-constructing knowledge, trying to make sense of the why, what and how schools are changing. As an educator, I love leaning into this sort of challenge.

At the end of our conversations, they got it. They felt empowered. We had given them tools and strategies to walk away with, and they asked for more meetings like this. Our team felt wonderful to know that we had drawn them in, not only as partners but as advocates.

However, we know that this isn’t the end, this is the beginning of discussions. We are wondering how else we can invite them in. We don’t want them on the outside, looking in; we want them to become an integral part of the learning community.  That’s an intention of ours! For example, one of my goals this year is to get parents involved in our unit planning retreats so that they might see past the 3Rs: Reading, wRiting and aRithmatic.  But this tweet also inspired some other directions that might support my intention surrounding this goal and has sparked a lot of thinking about how we might create active and involved parents.

But of course, there are more than 6 ideas to engage parents! This is really the tip of the iceberg. Parents are so much more than “parents”, they are resourceful and creative and curious learners, just like our students. And we have to find more ways to have us educators “mingle” with our families around the topic of learning in the 21st century so that we can expand our definitions of what a learning community can be in our schools.

How might we approach this?-I think our approaches will evolve as our thinking about our families as an integral part of our learning community evolve.

How might we know we are evolving?-I think when we see families go from a passive (or passive-aggressive) to a productive role in our schools, we will know that we are on the path.

For me, I find this an exciting time to be in education. How about you?

Hopes and Concerns-The Power of Conversations with Parents and Caregivers

Hopes and Concerns-The Power of Conversations with Parents and Caregivers

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No one wants to be known as being at the worst school in the worst district in the country, but that was what Staton Elementary was known for a long period of a time. Back in 2005, the school district decided to “reconstitute” it because test scores were so pitiful, less than 20% proficiency in both literacy and math. They basically replaced all the administration and teaching staff to get a fresh start, so it was only the students and their parents that remained the constant. The new principal, Caroline Fisherow was really stunned by what she saw, with the level of behavioral issues and truancy. She pleaded to become a pilot school for a program that had been successful in Sacramento, California. It was designed by educational consultants from the  Flamboyan Foundation whose primary focus is to increase family engagement because they believe that “people solve problems” and schools NEEDED parents to be involved in their children’s education to overcome obstacles in learning. Flamboyan slideAt the heart of the effort were home visits, in which teachers would go to see parents before the next school year to talk about their children. Home visits aren’t uncommon in schools but what surprised me was the intention behind the visit–it wasn’t to demand support or provide information, it was just a list of simple questions that teachers asked parents, with parents doing most of the talking. Here they are:

Tell me about your child’s experience at school.

Tell me about yours.

Tell me your hopes and dreams for your child’s future.

What do you want your child to be someday?

What do I need to do to help your child learn more effectively?

Can you imagine how those parents felt? Can you imagine the instant connection and care they must have felt towards that teacher? Someone cared about their “baby”! Someone cared about their dreams for their child!

And can you imagine how that teacher felt? They were armed with a sketch of that child’s support at home, and also could understand the heart of that parent!

What a profound effect that had! Those home visits started those children on a path to success, with familiarity and trust with their teacher already established before the school year even began. Even more surprising was that there was a shift that was instant and dramatic in the school dynamic: behavior issues and truancy were seriously diminished, school events became standing-room-only, and proficiency scores that saw a significant increase (Math went from 9% to 28%, nearly tripling in the first year!). And what gives me goosebumps and watery eyes is that that the power of the home visit is sustainable; in fact, test scores and parent involvement continued to improve.

But I don’t think you need to be a “turn around” school to do this!  I think to have these types of conversations with parents BEFORE school starts should be a common fixture at schools. It’s too powerful- we shouldn’t neglect the voice of the caregiver.

I know at our school, we do a “Hopes and Concerns” meeting a day or two before the school year kicks off. Our parents do come to school–it’s not a home visit- but the intention is the same. It’s my favorite parent meeting. The questions are quite similar and the meeting lasts around 15 minutes. Before I begin the meeting I explain that I am here to listen and take notes. Parents are always eager to share stories and anecdotes about their child. The interaction is warm and friendly, and, as a parent myself, I often relate to their struggles and desires with their child. I can attest to the bonding that forms between parent and teacher, and I walk away from that day feeling confident that my parents are partners. It’s going to be a good school year.

So I hope this gorgeous story about Stanton Elementary inspires you to consider how you might connect with parents before school. I don’t know if there are any studies done between home visits vs. school meetings and their level of impact, but I firmly believe the place where the conversation takes place is less important than the quality of the conversations. However, I’m sure that developing parents as partners is MORE important than any other initiative out there.  In my opinion, because I see parents are the child’s first and longest-lasting teacher, the impact and influence those parents have on their child override mine any day of the week! Open communication with parents makes a world of difference and making it a priority on Day 0 of the school year ultimately creates a positive projection for those students.

 

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