How can we approach moving on?

Home? Recently I attended a mindfulness retreat at Plum Village whose message was Harmony in the Home, Joy in the World. Home as they defined it, was being in the present moment, aware of our bodies, own emotions, and habit energies.

As an international educator, I have called many places my home. I’ve been lucky to meet and befriend people from a variety of backgrounds and cultures. But I’ve never considered time as the space and place that I actually inhabit. 

By the 2nd semester of my 1st year, I knew that Laos was a temporary post, a stopover until I find my next professional home. Sometimes that happens as an international educator–you arrive at a place and realize that your values and interests don’t match the environment in which you find yourself. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t a “good” place, it’s just not the “right” place for you. Not every school can be your professional home and not every city can meet your personal needs. And sometimes you don’t know that until you transition into the new environment. You have to ask yourself–is this place going to bring out the best in me or the worst in me? How can I make this experience optimal for my personal and professional learning?

And here it is April already. I’m in the final 7 weeks of our school year. And, as I turn my attention and focus on moving on, it’s easy to lose focus as I pivot into my next role. I have to make a conscious decision to not coast out of the school year and remain present for the community in which I serve. I’ve been examining this “process of transitions” guide, recognizing that I am in the “leaving” mode.  

I can really relate to it. Having a strong desire to “finish strong” takes effort and intention when I am in the midst of transition. Here are some strategies I am employing to help me put a “bow” on this experience:

Express joy

Oftentimes, people focus on the faults of a place in order to justify why they are leaving. That’s a really ugly and angry mental space to be in. And the truth is, there’s a lot to love when you stop and think about. Furthermore, there’s a lot to laugh at and enjoy. So I am asking myself…

What can I cherish? What quirks and unique things might I miss and should value while I still can experience them? Was there any “must-dos” that I haven’t done which would be a fun way to round off living here?

So now, in the space of time left, my family and I have made a list of the things we’d like to that would help us cope with the anxiety that comes along with moving by finding all the things that are lovable about this place so that we may feel positive about our time spent living here.

Express gratitude

When I consider what brings me the deepest sense of regret, it has always been telling people how absolutely wonderful they are. Even those individuals who I’ve struggled with have been a boon to my personal and professional growth. Heck, I’d say that they were like a nagging piece of dirt from which I had an opportunity to develop a pearl of wisdom from this experience.

Truly, I feel grateful for the growth that was created through the relationships I had during my experience here. Whether I present a person with in-person thank you or through a card or email, it’s important to reflect and show appreciation for the contribution that they made in my life. I’ve created a roster of all those individuals who I need to express my appreciation for and looking for opportunities to share them in the weeks ahead–making it a fun part of my “to do” list.

Express forgiveness

Recently one of our counselors sent us an email entitled: “Leaving well”–what a beautiful notion! In it she informed us:

Times of transition can be challenging for everyone – those leaving, those staying and those arriving. David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken in their book, Third Culture Kids, (available in the VIS Library) talk about the importance of leaving well. To do this they suggest building a RAFT to get from ‘here’ to ‘there’:

R:  Right any wrongs – make peace or resolve any conflicts

A:  Affirmations – let people know how important they have been

F:  Farewells – saying goodbye or see you later to people and favourite places

T:  Thinking and learning about the next place

I found the R in RAFT to be an interesting component to “leaving well”–not because making amends is unusual but that it is listed FIRST. Addressing those areas of tenderness from our past interactions is an act of courage. It requires admitting our own errors in judgment and behavior. However, I can see why it’s a vital component since we don’t want to bring any residue of anger or regret into our next experience. Although these conversations could be awkward, I think they can be really powerful and can have a profound healing effect if we approach it in the spirit of humility and candor.

So who have I “wronged”? And who has “wronged” me? This is something that I also need to look deeply at and address in the weeks to come in a sober and sincere way.

Start Now

So I’ve already made appointments with individuals and put “things to do” on my calendar.

Of course, we don’t need to wait until we are in the process of leaving to cultivate joyful experiences in the community that we live in, as well as communicating our appreciation and amnesty. Anyone can do this any time. Even if you aren’t stepping into your “next”, you can find peace where you are, breathing in and enjoying your “home” with the people around you and places you find yourself in.